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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056308">Lotion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akzeal/pseuds/Akzeal'>Akzeal</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinobotLoki/pseuds/DinobotLoki'>DinobotLoki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Invader Zim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Care, Clean water is totally fine, Comfort, M/M, Zim's kind of a dumb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 23:01:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,916</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akzeal/pseuds/Akzeal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinobotLoki/pseuds/DinobotLoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They weren’t friends, and it didn’t matter how often they were, both, at each other’s houses, that Zim had a little nest in Dib’s closet and that Dib had an actual bed in Zim’s base. They weren’t friends. They just talked a lot, and spent a lot of time together, and it was just knowing their enemy!</p>
<p>But they weren’t friends, at all. And not being friends, totally, was why Dib let Zim hideout for a full day before he went to the Irken’s base.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dib &amp; Zim (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Lotion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Another one written in, like, two days. My birthday present to you all! Featuring Irkens as a whole being a wee bit silly.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They weren’t friends. At least, that was what they both told themselves. They weren’t friends, and they fought at least enough that sounded plausible, even if they both knew they weren’t actually trying to <em> harm </em> each other now. They weren’t friends, and it didn’t matter how often they were, both, at each other’s houses, that Zim had a little nest in Dib’s closet and that Dib had an actual bed in Zim’s base. They weren’t <em> friends </em>. They just talked a lot, and spent a lot of time together, and it was just knowing their enemy!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But they weren’t friends, at all. And not being friends, totally, was why Dib let Zim hideout for a full day before he went to the Irken’s base. The gnomes didn’t even try to attack him, and Gir was happily eating at an entire tub of frosting. “Hey, where’s Zim?” Dib asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Master is in his rooooom!” Gir shrieked. “He is itchy and mad!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Itchy and- er. I’ll… just go see.” Gir wasn’t very useful for details, and so Dib just dropped his bag and headed down, absently thanking the computer as the lights came on. <em> Why </em> Zim was ‘itchy and mad’ was a mystery, but Dib was pretty sure he could handle himself. From the sounds of it, scratches would work this time around…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knocked at the door, and there was a low growl. “Go away, Gir!” Zim snapped. “I already told you you could eat whatever you want.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib frowned, then opened said door, looking in carefully. “It’s not him, Zim,” Dib said. He could see Zim curled up in a nest of blankets and peeking out balefully, every so often itching and hissing. “What’s wrong with you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing. There is nothing <em> wrong </em> with Zim,” Zim answered, before twisting and clearly trying to get at a spot on his back. That must be weird. “And before you ask, this is not <em> lice </em> . Or space-lice!” Dib hadn’t been thinking anything of the sort, but it <em> was </em> nice to know, he guessed, maybe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He moved closer, spotting a patch of Zim’s skin that looked lighter and dry- no- it was a lot of Zim’s skin that was dry and light in color. “Alright, well, what is going on?” Dib asked. He blinked at Zim, then scoffed quietly as the alien hissed at him. “Don’t be like that.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing. Nothing is ‘going on’,” Zim answered. His hands were busy scratching and holding the blankets around him, and Dib was mildly surprised to see the Irken make the air quotes with his lekku. He hadn’t even considered <em> that </em> before. “Go away, or play with Gir, and Zim will be back in a week.” Zim paused, hissing and scratching again, before adding, “Maybe two…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not a chance, space-boy,” Dib said. He looked closer. “Seriously, tell me what’s up, or whatever. You’re not good at lying, not really.” The human was a bit surprised to notice that Zim’s room was a mess, which wasn’t at all normal for the methodically clean Irken invader. And he looked tired, pale and- it wasn’t a <em> good </em> look. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim hissed at him, but this was one that Dib recognized as annoyance, not impending murder. Not even impending mayhem, no matter how well he could see Zim’s teeth. The words, when they came, were about the last thing Dib expected to hear, though. “What does Dib think Zim is? ...Or… would Zim be? If, by some <em> horrible </em> chance, Zim was not from the glorious Irken Empire, but a native <em> disgusting </em> earth-mud-creature?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib blinked. Well, he’d considered that question before, actually. He cocked his head, looking at Zim, and then shrugging. “I’d say a lizard of some sort,” he found himself blurting. The consideration didn’t stop there. Lizards… dry skin, tiredness, irritability- “Are you <em> shedding </em>, Zim?” he asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mm. Zim kind of expected bug…” Zim murmured, before hissing and appearing to bite the blankets- probably at his arm under them, but it was still utterly weird to see. “Is Dib-thing <em> satisfied </em> ? Yes? Good, now <em> go away </em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a soft sigh, Dib shook his head. But he did leave the room, ignoring the disappointed look Zim tried to hide. It was entirely to make a quick trip, though. He knew enough about lizards and dry skin in general to fill a basket with a bunch of different products. The human wasn’t sure what all was needed, but he was determined to try. Zim wasn’t his friend, damn it. Not really. But this was a good learning experience! Mostly, he just needed to actually convince himself of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also- well. Zim had brought up the lice, and that <em> had </em> been pretty awful. And the Irken had been <em> miserable </em>, so clearly, and honestly, Dib wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not even his worst enemy, as he was demonstrating. It didn’t take long to get back to Zim’s house, and Dib spent part of the walk on checking the products- they should be fine, but he’d try small amounts first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Hey, ah, computer? Does… Zim’s room happen to have, say, humidity controls? And do you have enough safe water to increase the humidity a bit for him?” Dib asked, waving at Gir, who had moved on to peanut butter. ...Or marmite.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How high do you want it?” the computer asked in return. “Water levels are adequate enough for high increases, as well as bathing and anything else required.” Dib chuckled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hit… let’s try 70 percent,” he said. And then he knocked on Zim’s door again, ignoring the angry snarl and sound of something hitting it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hope you got that out of your system, Zim,” Dib muttered, before opening the door, ducking automatically. There was no further attack, though, and he held out the bag, smiling a bit. Zim looked… fairly flabbergasted, actually, which was another new look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dib-thing… returned?” Zim asked, after a long moment, with a weird warbled click. Zim had been doing that kind of thing more around Dib.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib nodded. “I just went to the corner store to get some things,” he said. He dropped the bag onto Zim’s not-quite-desk… thing. Really, Dib wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be. Then he started emptying it onto said desk-thing. “I brought pediasure, because I'm pretty sure you’re dehydrated, and I know they use ultra-pure water to make it, some creams and lotions… And this oatmeal stuff for a bath? I don’t know about that one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim was giving him <em> such </em> a look, before turning and scratching again. “Why does Dib-beast think that <em> I </em> would wish to… bathe? In <em> food </em> ?” He said nothing about any of the other options, which meant that Dib was probably on the right track. “And what is Zim supposed to do with lotion- aaugh!” He contorted under the blankets, again trying to reach a spot, before utterly drooping and letting out the saddest peep Dib had <em> ever </em> heard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s a skin softener, that’s why.” Dib sighed softly, then opened the pediasure and offered it. “What would you do if you were on Irk?” he asked. Zim blinked at him and then carefully took it, sniffing it with his lekku. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sleep for a week and <em> itch </em> ,” Zim answered, making a little face at the bottle but drinking a good few mouthfuls without prompting. He made another face at that. “Why is it <em> salty </em>? Why do humans keep making salty things that should be sweet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib sighed quietly. “It’s got electrolytes, Zim. It helps if you’re dehydrated and need it.” He put another bottle aside and then held up his other offering of candies for Zim to see, setting it aside. Zim was still drinking, luckily, even if he made a face each time, while Dib took off his jacket and set it on a chair. Lotion. Right. “I got calamine, for itching.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Has Dib-thing’s brain-meats forgotten that Zim’s skin is much better at keeping things out? Meat does not count!” Dib winced a bit at the pitch Zim managed to get with that, but he also wasn’t really surprised by it. If his hearing hadn’t given out by now, he was probably safe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Even so, it will probably help. I mean, what do you have to lose?” Dib turned to grab for the bottle of calamine, bringing it over. “Finish drinking and you can try it. Unless you have a better idea that isn’t being miserable and itchy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim does not know what Dib may have <em> tried </em> to slip into this <em> lotion </em> ,” Zim answered, though he was most definitely eying the pink bottle. And the pediasure was almost gone already, which wasn’t really a surprise, but it was maybe a little worrisome. Zim blinked, then huffed. “What am I supposed to <em> do </em> with it? There is not enough for it to go everwhere!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How and why? Look, it’s still sealed, Zim. And if it helps at all, I can get more, alright? But you’d be surprised. This stuff goes pretty far.” He broke open the plastic seal, and then unscrewed the top to take off the inner seal. Spreading some onto his fingers, he offered it to Zim to examine. “See?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim smelled it, again, before one hand shot out and wrapped around Dib’s wrist. He brought Dib’s hand to his shoulder, and that was when Dib realized that he had never <em> seen </em> Zim’s shoulder, or his hand, not really, not <em> green </em> and- Zim warbled at the touch, pressing into like a cat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a moment, Dib sat, then he simply started rubbing the lotion in, using little circular motions. “How is that?” he asked, fascinated by the way the cream did absorb into Zim’s skin, and the texture under his fingers. It took longer than human skin to soak, but it left the dry cracking skin softer, at least a little. And oh- he realized, suddenly, that Zim was basically naked under the blanket. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The immediate answer was just a warbling chirp, but a moment later Zim let go of him. “What… other lotions are there?” he asked, lekku tipping towards Dib in a strange manner. Dib didn’t remember seeing that before- not both of them. More attention, maybe?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I got some hydrocortisone cream- but that is for extreme itching, I think. And some others for if a person has eczema or psoriasis- those are for removing skin, kinda?” He shrugged, then went on. “And I got cocoa-butter lotion, and baby lotion- those are just super basic.” Dib had grabbed a bunch of them without really thinking about it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim is not a worm-baby!” Zim grumbled, contorting to scratch again. “Ugh. What <em> kind </em> of skin-removing? And why is the fan blowing wet at me?” He looked around, at the various vents, in a rather pouty fashion, and Dib wondered how it was that, apparently, the entire Irken race hadn’t worked out how to make shedding more comfortable, since it was apparently a <em> thing </em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First of all, baby lotion isn’t <em> just </em> for babies, it’s just really simple and used a lot on babies. It’s really gentle. Second of all, Zim, I asked the computer to turn up the humidity in here. Seriously! And third- it’s, like, acid based, I think? It’s not <em> strong </em> acid, but…” He got up, retrieving the bottles, and ended up just covering part of Zim’s bed with them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim went between each one, poking and reading and smelling. “Dib-thing has gone soft in his large head if you think <em> Zim’s </em> own water, in <em> my </em> own base, will hurt me,” he commented, which was clearly just trying to figure out why Dib had done such a thing. In the meantime, the acid-based lotions were put aside- though not tossed off the bed, which was probably a good sign. The others were put closer, and then the calamine was shoved at Dib again, along with the cocoa-butter. “These smell like sweets. But both claim to be ‘unscented’. What is the meaning of this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t tell it to do that to hurt you, you idiot,” Dib said, taking the bottles and spreading some of the cocoa butter onto his fingers. “I did it because you have dry skin. When lizards here shed, they like being wetter- and yes, I <em> know </em> you aren’t a lizard, but still.” He took Zim’s hand, spreading the lotion on as he continued to speak. “It means no perfumes. The cocoa-butter sweet smell is just from the cocoa-butter itself. And the calamine is from the medicine and stuff in it. But there aren’t any other extras. Lots of lotions smell strong, like flowers or fruits.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As though Zim’s superior base computer would <em> allow </em>- hey! How was Dib-” The rising irritation was smothered by another click, and for just a moment Zim looked content. It was ruined when he contorted again, trying to scratch, and clearly caring less and less about covering up. Zim’s skin- or scales- really did look pretty bad, Dib realized.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib huffed, then grabbed at the Irken’s other hand. “Don’t scratch,” he said. “Where does it itch? I’ll put some there, okay?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em> Everywhere </em> ,” Zim growled, twisting. He twisted enough that Dib had a view of the Irken’s back, though- and that was <em> really </em> interesting, but Dib pushed the curiosity aside. For the most part. Skin, right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” Dib said, returning to rubbing the lotion in. Zim’s hands were tipped in sharp little claws- barely claws, really. But there were patches where his scales were peeling off. Reaching one shoulder, he started the other hand and arm, feeling the way Zim slowly relaxed again. “Is this better, though?” he asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Again, his answer was a warble, and coo this time. Then Zim shivered a little, in a reaction Dib didn’t fully understand, and spoke. “Pak. Under. ...Below-under as well as under-under, but, ah. Wait on that last…” The words were quiet, and glancing at Zim made Dib pause a moment. Apparently, Irkens had nictating membranes, because there wasn’t much other reason for Zim’s eyes to be mostly white now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib nodded, “Okay,” he said. He started working on Zim’s shoulder again next, using the cocoa-butter liberally and making sure to get as much of the Irken as he could. Zim’s face, he was extra careful with, pausing repeatedly, and checking on the Irken. It was really weird, being this close to Zim while he was <em> naked </em>, but Dib was really trying to focus. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It got even weirder when Zim patted at him with his lekku, just kind of an idle motion that… Dib didn’t really <em> think </em> meant much, but it was <em> weird </em>. And thankfully it wasn’t too warm in here, because the humidity was really starting to show, and distracting Dib. He didn’t think Zim would like it if he were sweating on top of everything! Clicking was continuous, as well, the one thing that didn’t quite fit the image of Zim as some strange lizard fully happy with itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Legs went next, and then Zim’s chest. It was really weird when he offered the lotion for Zim’s more private areas, because the Irken looked confused in that moment. “I figure you’d want to…” he gestured simply, unsure of how to say it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was enough for the inner eyelid to retract, though Zim’s gaze was still lazy, and confused. “Dib-thing is being silly. Zim is too tired for arousal, and so it is simply skin. Just stay on the outside-” He paused, frowning. “Ugh, are you really that bothered by it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“N-no, I just… didn’t want to be horrible?” But with the permission given, Dib continued. As fascinated as he was with the Irken anatomy, he was more interested in the way that Zim hummed and relaxed down again. But, really, should he have expected anything different from the Irken? And that just left Zim’s back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim doubts, mm… that Dib could <em> be </em> horrible. Now that autopsies are disallowed.” The words were soft again, quiet, and absolutely devolved into nothing but clicks and warbles as Dib started on the Irken’s lower back. There was a patch of scales coming up there, probably from the pak cutting in a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made no sense, but… okay. Dib shook his head and then worked on more of Zim’s back. Carefully, he tried to get lotion in under the pak, where Zim seemed to be itching as well. It was going pretty well, the human thought, and by the end he was out of the cocoa-butter lotion entirely, and most of the calamine. But he could get more for the Irken, who totally wasn’t his friend still. And who… was pretty much asleep, Dib was sure. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib tried to stand, at least so he could wash his hands, or something. As soon as he tried, though, a pak-leg dropped in front of him, over his shoulder. It wasn’t <em> threatening </em> , but Dib’s heart-rate took a long moment to accept that. And, looking at Zim, the Irken <em> still </em> looked to be pretty much asleep. Great.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He returned to the same position he’d been in, and the pak leg receded. Still, he wrapped Zim’s blanket around the Irken and relaxed again, sighing. Well, this could be <em> better </em>, but… Stealing the chance to look at Zim, he huffed a moment into it. Ugh, what was wrong with him? It wasn’t that weird and okay, so Zim anatomically was different- he’d known that! And- Dib closed his eyes, willing himself into just taking a damned nap. It was surprising when it worked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He woke up to, surprisingly soft, grumbling. He was pretty sure that Zim was arguing with the computer, about something. “You’re <em> lying </em> . Zim would never-” was about all that Dib actively caught, before there was a moment of unnatural stillness that he <em> knew </em> meant Zim had realized something potentially mortifying. “Ugh, <em> finally </em> , Dib-stink. Zim thought you might <em> drool </em> in your primitive sleep!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh shut up,” Dib grunted, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “You wouldn’t fucking let me leave, asshole.” He looked at Zim, hiding that he was happy to see the Irken was… well. A little less of a mess. That was… better than nothing. “Glad to see you’re back to normal-ish.” He wondered what the argument had been. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re <em> lying </em> ,” Zim answered, in the exact same tone he’d just used on the computer, lekku going down and- ah, that was Irken embarrassment. Dib had seen it a few times, though never quite so close. “But since Dib-thing is staying, the next time you can… lift the pak. A <em> little </em> . But there is skin there.” And there was the arrogance- but also, wow. Zim was planning on allowing him <em> that </em>?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Who said I was staying, huh?” he asked, though of course he was going to stay. He wasn’t an idiot! Zim knew that, too, that much was obvious. The Irken looked alarmed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re in <em> my base </em>. You cannot leave until-” The computer interrupted him with a cough- and just when had it learned to do that?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You gave Dib right of free passage years ago. I believe your exact words were ‘who cares what the Dib-worm is doing, coming, or going? Just let him and stop <em> bothering </em> me’.” The delivery was much too deadpan to be anything but insulting, even through the recording, and Zim hissed in annoyance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And if you want more lotion I’ll need to go get it. Unless you’re going to go out?” Dib commented dryly. Zim practically reared back at that idea. “Okay, exactly. But seriously, Zim. You either want me to stay or you don’t.” This was <em> interesting </em>, at least. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could <em> see </em> the mental scrambling as Zim pieced together a reaction. “Zim… supposes that Dib-thing is proving <em> useful </em> in this situation. As well as providing <em> almost </em> the proper amount of respect to your future overlord! Me, <em> Zim </em> !” And that right there was why they were <em> not friends </em>. Zim was still firmly of the opinion that he would rule! At least, he acted that way…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right,” Dib rolled his eyes again, then stood from where he still sat on the bed. Only then did he notice that, damn it, Zim was still naked. “I’m going to get you some more lotions, you green menace,” he said. “You’re such a pain, you know that?” Even as he grumbled the door to the bedroom opened. “Thank you,” he said to the computer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There wasn’t any answer, which wasn’t uncommon, but the computer did take him up without him asking. And then Gir was there, in his dog-suit. “Are you making master feels better? I’m outta tacos!” Dib and Zim both had been working on Gir, slowly, and… well, he was still out of his positronic brain, but he <em> was </em> just a bit calmer, at least, and sometimes almost passed for coherent. Right now he was bouncing on his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, Gir,” Dib said. “Come on, we’ll go get tacos.” It wouldn’t take more than an extra moment, anyway. Gir shrieked with joy, pulling the dog hood over his head and giggling again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His assumption was, of course, proven false when Gir ordered a hundred tacos from the Crazy Taco, but still. Dib had two whole bags of lotion and maybe Zim would be… a little less of a frustrating idiot with them in use. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The one good news about <em> any </em> of that was that Gir paid. Dib refused to worry about where the money came from beyond that, and it was fairly touching when Gir shoved some packs of tacos at him. There were even a couple vegetarian ones for Zim. And, even better, the Irken did <em> not </em> immediately hiss or throw anything when Dib walked in. The bad news was that he had increased the temperature in his room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why is it so hot in here now? Well. We got the lotion,” Dib asked, not entirely paying attention to the Irken as he plopped the new bags onto the not-desk and then waving the taco bag in Zim’s general direction. “And vegetarian tacos.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“More humid,” Zim answered, watching Dib. He didn’t move other than that, sprawled out on his front and seeming fairly content with life again. “Mm, tacos? Ugh, what state is Gir leaving my base in?” A moment later and he turned over, enough to sit up and reach for the food.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib flopped into a nearby chair, laughing at the question. “It’s actually not too bad,” he said. “Nothing worse than his usual.” It was so fucking hot. The human took the risk of taking off his jacket again, pretty sure that even with the humidity it hadn’t been this warm in the room before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank Irk- progress, finally.” Zim buzzed a little, lekku wriggling happily, before eating the tacos brought for him. “...Humid works. The itching is <em> nearly </em> not returned!” Zim paused, looking at his hand before sighing, clearly not pleased with the peeling patches still very much evident.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s good,” Dib said. “You look a lot less miserable, at least.” He closed his eyes in part to avoid looking at the Irken, because, seriously, Zim was still fucking naked! “Is that really how you handle it on Irk, though? Just… huddle up in a nest and pretend not to exist for a week or two?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eh. That is how <em> Zim </em> always handled it. And everyone in my class. It’s vulnerability. And… also, Zim was generally too happy to care.” It sounded like the Irken shrugged, or at least that was the tone Zim usually used around a shrug, and Dib refused to frown about knowing that. “...Nests are comfortable, mostly, anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib hummed a little, then opened his eyes to glance at Zim. The Irken had finished eating and was sprawled again. He looked like a lizard, sunbathing on a rock. The human tried not to stare at him too obviously, or curiously. He did wonder when Zim had actually gotten… attractive. Promptly, he shoved that idea away, deep. "You were pretty out of it by the time I finished," he said. "I just… huh. Well, at least you can deal with it a bit easier." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Zim finally did not <em> itch </em> . Mostly. Dib-thing missed a few spots." Zim made a face, then started to pick at his hands. "And <em> you </em> are beginning to sweat. And be weird. Not that Dib is ever a <em> normal </em> worm-baby. ...Or… worm… adult… thing." Zim looked at him again, considering, before grabbing a corner of the blanket and pulling it over the sensitive bits. "You <em> know </em> it is just skin."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m sweating. I should probably get out of here and let you do your thing, or whatever,” Dib said, shrugging and then adding, “I’m not being the weird one, Zim, you are. It’s just me, a human being human, alright? We don’t go around being naked usually.” And that attraction was <em> not </em> helping. “I know it’s just skin, I do.” As much as he said he should leave, he didn’t- moving sounded like more work. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, and humans are <em> weird </em>. Even Dib-thing,” Zim answered, twisting and peeling at the skin on his arms. “...Heh. Remember when your family-unit took that trip to Mexico? And Dib-thing came back all burned?” He hadn’t been allowed to pack his trench coat, or anything other than t-shirts, shorts, and swim trunks, and he’d worried about what Zim was doing- until Gir visited him on the second night, apparently just for funnsies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib snorted. “Yeah, I remember,” he said. “That sucked, I was peeling for days.” He looked at Zim again, blinking. “Is that what it’s like for you to shed? Just kinda… peeling?” He shrugged, thinking about it, and then stretched again, feeling sweatier. Ugh, it was so hot. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Mostly? It appeared similar. Zim was surprised you did not grow into your big head at that point.” Zim laughed, though it trailed into a soft hiss as he turned to try and reach the spot on his back. It obviously wasn’t <em> as </em> bad, but still enough to be irritating. “Tell Zim more about bathing in food.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My head isn’t that big,” Dib answered. He stood and walked over, grabbing the calamine again and pushing at Zim to bend so he could apply it. “The oatmeal? It’s just… like a softener. I don’t know, people like bathing in it- and it’s got other stuff in there, too.” The human shrugged, then moved back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mm… later, then. When things stick,” Zim decided, with a soft mewl. “Why did humans <em> ever </em> try bathing in <em> food </em>? Though… I guess oatmeal is barely food…” Dib could understand that thought- especially when Zim added so much syrup and sugar to his oatmeal that it was more like syrup-soup.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib shrugged again, then went back to his chair. “Yeah, yeah,” he said. “It’s because some stuff is good for eating and other stuff, too. Like, tea baths are a thing, because they can be antibacterial. And yeah…” He settled in, uncomfortably, and sighed quietly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Antibacterial is good,” Zim said, perking up. “Doesn’t explain how humans <em> discovered </em> it. But skool wasn’t good at history…” He stretched, shifting a bit and working on a stubborn bit of scale around his hip. “Why do you keep sitting over there? Dib-thing is not comfortable, I can <em> see </em> that. I made sure the heat wasn’t <em> that </em> high!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Honestly? Most of our discoveries have been from watching other animals or going ‘oops’ followed by ‘oh, cool, that works’,” Dib answered. He scoffed at Zim. “Because it’s the only chair in here, and I know damn well I shouldn’t go near your bed again.” Zim had been very pissy about that. Dib didn’t care to deal with it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you <em> have </em> to for lotioning. Dib-thing is being silly. <em> Again </em> .” Zim grumbled, and he was absolutely getting more irritable again. Dib <em> tried </em> not to blame him, because peeling <em> was </em> a fairly miserable process. “...Irk… no longer has animals to watch. Very few civilized planets maintain much non-sapient life. Some maintain zoos. Vort has preserves- had. It does not matter!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib frowned. “How am I being silly? It’s different! Anyway, I’m sure you’d be pissy with me about me sweating near you, on your bed and all of that, too.” Zim had, before, especially in the past during summers, as though Dib could help it when the Irken basked in the heat. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, but enough gross pollution <em> dirt </em> has finally been removed from the Dib-beast. Do you <em> know </em> how hard it is to remove radioactive particles from a <em> spleen </em> , Diblet? <em> Do you </em> ?” Zim made an <em> utterly </em> unhappy sound, before huffing and wriggling against the blankets.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, obviously I don’t.” Dib huffed. “It sounds like you <em> want </em> me to come over there. What the hell, Zim?” He rolled his eyes, and was starting to think that Zim had turned the heat up on purpose to fuck with him. Or something. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What good even <em> is </em> a spleen?” Zim grumbled, and yes, maybe Dib should be more worried about the fact that Zim had apparently been cleaning him? Without saying anything? But he really, really didn’t care about that right now. “At least Dib-stink is finally not <em> horrible </em>. And now you're just being- gah. Covered.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib blinked. “A spleen filters. ...Why are you trying to- were- cleaning mine, anyway?” He looked at Zim, then cocked his head, half sitting up from the chair lazily. “I’m being… covered?” he asked. “What are you going on about, now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, Dib is covered, clearly. And so is the topic of Dib-thing’s silliness. Zim thought you would <em> appreciate </em> me not bringing it up again. And, clearly, I had to do something to stop all the nasty dirt and germs Dib-thing had. You should never have eaten skool-slop.” Zim said this all as though it was the most logical thing in the world, but Dib was still left confused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m covered in <em> what </em> , Zim? I’m not <em> that </em> sweaty.” Dib rolled his eyes and then shifted and looked at Zim again. “I didn’t have much choice. And when you’re hungry enough… anyway.” The Irken was wiggling a bit more, and Dib watched him a moment, before shrugging. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In <em> cloth </em> ,” Zim answered, again as though it were the most obvious thing- and Dib had to admit, it might be this time. “Why did Dib-thing not bring food in? Zim did not realize it was possible at first.” But Dib remembered when the Irken had worked that out, and started actually bringing snacks in. <em> Irken </em> snacks. And no-one had noticed. Of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib shrugged. “It wasn’t until high school that I took over buying groceries. We ate a lot of… questionable things. It’s probably why I have a high tolerance, stomach-wise…” He considered what Zim had said, blinking at the sudden realization. “In cloth- well, yeah, Zim. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to see me without clothing. You think humans are <em> gross </em>, remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do not tell Zim what he thinks!” Zim yelled, predictably. A moment later and he was talking like it had never happened. “Is it not… <em> rude </em> to be in the wrong state of dress for the circumstances? And why did your father-unit not provide you with better food stuff? Ugh. Never-mind…” Zim’s lekku did go back at that, as he belatedly remembered the unspoken agreement not to talk <em> too </em> much about their respective authority figures.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wrong state of dress for the…” Dib shook his head. “I am not the one shedding, right? So…” Zim was glaring at him, and Dib sighed, before sitting up straighter. What the hell was he even doing? Was he fucking dumb? Yes. Yes he was. He sighed, then started to peel his shirt off. “Happy?” he asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“More,” Zim chirped, glancing over before pillowing his head in his arms. The relaxation only lasted a moment before he was back to picking at the shedding skin, this time on his <em> other </em> arm. He sighed and dropped a moment later, looking back over at Dib. “Zim is… pleased. You are helping.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib blinked, then dared to undo the belt on his pants and work off his shoes and socks. He was absolutely leaving his boxers on, though! “You’re welcome,” he said. A moment later, and he was grabbing the lotion again. “Stop picking at yourself. That can’t be good for this.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim’s grin was… dangerously big, and he didn’t even try hissing as Dib got closer and pulled the Irken’s hand away from himself. “I am not sunburnt. <em> Or </em> lizard,” he reminded, but it sounded much too smug to mean anything, especially when Zim chirped a moment later as Dib added more lotion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but you probably still shouldn’t be picking,” Dib repeated, sighing quietly. His life was already weirder, and here he was, making it so much worse, somehow. As he finished, he sat down on the bed, just because he kept having to get up, and flopped back, looking at Zim. “Something is definitely wrong with you,” he grumbled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim is not <em> wrong </em> ,” the Irken grumbled. “Zim is <em> achy </em> and <em> itchy </em>.” He also had to shift a bit if he wanted to look at Dib, which apparently he did. That didn’t really prepare Dib for the soft tap of lekku, again. What the hell?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Why do you keep prodding me like that? And why did you want me with less clothes on?" Dib looked at the Irken, honestly wondering. "Can you use Tylenol?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t need medication, Dib. Though, yes, Tylenol is usually effective. Mm… Zim is checking health. Also, Dib is warm.” And Dib wasn’t actually sure how much of his questions that answered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The human huffed quietly. "Checking health?" he found himself asking. "What does that even mean? Like…" he trailed off, blinking still and then simply relaxing into the bedding again. "Is that really all it is, Zim? This hasn't actually messed you up somehow, right?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...<em> How </em>? Shedding is entirely normal. I’m tired, and too comfortable to check other ways. And Dib-stink is decent without poison.” Based on the pause just following that, Zim hadn’t quite meant to say the last part aloud, but at least he didn’t bother trying to retract it. Dib was too close to want to deal with the volume.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Because… I don't know. You let me touch you, which is new. And you're just acting weird." Dib scoffed again. "If you are tired, you should <em> sleep </em>, Zim. You know, that thing us lowly humans do a lot."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dib cannot lotion with touching,” Zim pointed out. “And sleep isn’t really going to help… Mh.” He flopped over on his side, moving a bit closer and barely remembering to grab the blanket as he did. Dib watched in confusion as Zim poked his leg and wrapped blankets around until Irken was nearly a bundle again, pillowed on his leg. “...Mysterious Mysteries is recorded.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So I'm not allowed to move," Dib said. He wondered if this would ever happen again… "Do you shed a lot, Zim? Like… how often are we talking?" A moment later and he put his hand on the blanket bundle, testing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mm. Usually not very often. It’s been decades for Zim. We’ll see. And you <em> had </em> your chance to leave, Dib- <em> pillow </em> . You insisted on helping, and now cannot move.” The only reaction to Dib’s hand was a slight shift for comfort, and a click. Really, if anything, Dib would say it made Zim <em> more </em> comfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib chuckled, then simply relaxed again. He did get bored pretty quickly, and found himself watching Zim a lot, while the Irken chilled and seemed to doze. The human managed to do the same, closing his eyes and half napping for the second time- he was utterly not going to sleep later! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib didn’t even <em> mind </em> , fully, although he’d kind of rather do other stuff. Zim… well, the Irken didn’t <em> need </em> him, but wanted him, and Dib was happy to help, even though they <em> weren’t </em> friends. It was a chance to learn more about Irken biology, and in between naps and dozing, Dib wondered just what Zim was hiding this time. The computer would probably tell him, it seemed to like pointing things out, but Dib didn’t bother asking, watching what he could see of Zim’s face until Gir came down with what he called dinner, and might even be edible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ate- and Dib was allowed to move for the moment at least. He sighed as he did, stretching and then relaxing again while Zim did his typical growling- and the not typical chirps. Luckily, his dad wouldn't even notice him being gone, and some time after dinner, he noticed Zim squirming again, looking thoughtfully at the oatmeal bath stuff. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can try, you know. Worst case, you wash it off and we stick with cocoa butter. We know you don’t react to oatmeal…” And that had been a valid concern, even though Zim had managed waffles. And <em> soap </em> , that was still just ugh, to Dib- not that Zim had <em> liked </em> the soap, of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but then I might smell like <em> oatmeal </em>…” Zim grumbled, likely just for the sake of irritation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib chuckled. "You could wash it off after?" He suggested. Then he shrugged. "It is entirely up to you, Zim. I could just lotion you again." But considering the way the Irken was poking the box, Dib was sure he knew what was going to happen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim is not afraid!” Zim snapped, hopping off the bed and starting towards were Dib knew the bath area was. Something about the situation caught at his brain, and Dib tried not to stumble as he realized that, based on the way Zim was acting, the Irken was continuously going <em> commando </em> . And that was <em> not </em> something he needed to consider right now!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Irken looked back at him, too, and Dib sighed as he followed with the box in hand. While the bath ran, Dib read the back of the box and leaned against the counter, wondering what the hell he was doing here. Again. “It says you should soak in a full bath with two packets of this for a full half hour to really help, but longer the better. Want to double up? It shouldn’t hurt.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim grabbed the box from him, glancing at it before shrugging. “I will allow Dib’s suggestion,” he agreed, tearing open a pouch. He frowned at the oatmeal dust, but poured the contents into the water before walking in himself. Clearly, it was up to Dib to add the second one, and the human sighed. “...Why did you come back?” Zim asked, suddenly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib poured the second pouch in, dropping the wrappers into a trashcan before picking up another pouch. “Does it really matter, Zim?” he found himself asking back. Pouring the next pouch in, he shrugged at the look Zim was giving him. “You looked miserable.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve looked miserable before. Dib’s never gone out and bought stuff- well. No. You have. But mostly umbrellas…” But this <em> was </em> more than they’d really done before- but Dib didn’t have to explain himself, did he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just wanted to, okay? That’s all.” Dib rolled his eyes, then poured more oatmeal into the bath. It actually smelled more like vanilla than oats, and he avoided Zim’s gaze. “Really, Zim. I just thought I’d be nice, alright? What does it matter?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t wonder the same, in Zim’s place? ...<em> Aren’t </em> wondering the same, now?” Zim answered, asked, sounding far too knowing for a moment, before he ducked under the water. He came back up with a little click, the water barely enough to cover him yet. “And Dib hasn’t been asking as many questions as I expected, even…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib frowned. “Well, true,” he agreed. He sat on the floor of the bathroom with a sigh. “I’m… trying to be, I don’t know, respectful? It’s not polite to start poking someone who is under the weather- not feeling good. I have questions, but… um. Does that make sense?” He shrugged. “But, really, I just… wanted to, Zim. I don’t know. You looked miserable. I figured… why not.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everyone is under weather…” Zim muttered, his usual issues with metaphor. “So, you’re saving all your questions until I’m ‘better’? Well, it’s <em> Dib’s </em> curiosity…” That sounded almost dark, and entirely normal for them. “...Zim will… likely become less thinky. Ugh, it’s been so <em> long </em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you rather I ask now?” Dib asked. “And… what should I do, while you aren’t ‘thinky’ and everything? Should I… you know, do anything differently?” He paused, then added, blurted, really, “You know this is what friends would do for each other, right?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim huffed, stretching in the water again. “Just friends? Yes, Dib-beast, I am aware of this. Nothing different should be required. Probably less bathing. Tear off skin if you like- or is that ‘picking’?” How was Zim able to be <em> so snarky </em> while naked and sitting in an oatmeal bath- which still wasn’t the least dignified thing Dib had seen from him, somehow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Want me to get a brush for you, too?” Dib asked with a roll of his eyes and while remembering the videos of lizards getting brushed because they were itchy. “Just friends?” Dib repeated. “What else would it be?” The strike of thought that came to mind had him blinking at Zim. “And is that why you wanted me without my shirt or pants or what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clothing is <em> awkward </em> with lotion and humidity. Even superior Irken clothing technology,” Zim answered, raising a hand from the water to wave away that concern. “And I have brushes. Many brushes. What is Dib-stink <em> thinking </em>…?” The question wasn’t biting or dismissive, and Dib couldn’t tell if that was encouraging or terrifying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dib cocked his head, then shrugged. “Well, for the brushes, I could brush you, I guess. That’d be less picking and more… rubbing? I don’t know. But if you have a small one I could get under your pak where it seems you really itch. And then as for anything else…” he had to pause again, and think about it before speaking, carefully. “I just… wonder? I don’t know, Zim. What are <em> you </em> thinking? Did you turn up the heat just to see if you could get me naked?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zim asked first. And you are not <em> naked </em> . You are still wearing those under-pants pants!” And… yes, Zim was <em> annoyed </em> about that. “Mm… Dib-thing can find all the brushes later. Or buy a new one. Make Gir pay.” Zim ducked back under the water, all but the ends of his lekku this time, and Dib wondered how much sound would be muffled, or not, like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you <em> did </em> turn up the heat to get me naked. Why is that so important to you? Because it sounds like you aren’t as grossed out by humans as you <em> claim </em> to be, Zim.” The lekku twitched, but Zim stayed under. “I want to know if, like, you want to be more than friends? And- if it’s just because of this whole shedding thing.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lekku twitched more, and it took Dib a moment to realize it was <em> probably </em> some kind of answer. He realized that just as Zim popped back up, rubbing the oatmeally water off his face as well as he could with an oatmeally hand. “Hot <em> does </em> make more humid. Anything else is… a bonus. Maybe. And- mm. Not because of shedding. Zim honestly expected Dib to leave. Mm…” Zim was clicking, too, and buzzing softly, and the sounds were all muffled and muddled by the water. “Dib… <em> is </em> human, but. Not. To Zim.” He paused again, then chuckled. “Not <em> current </em> human, for sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” Dib said, thinking for a moment again. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. This was dumb. But… He knew Zim well enough to know that it might seem like his question was being avoided, but it was actually answered. The human shifted, looking into the tub- it <em> was </em> big enough. Before he could rethink his little plan, he stood up and took off his boxers, climbing into the tub behind Zim. Either he was going to die in three seconds, or he was right about this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim slipped to the side, and a moment later was cuddled against Dib, clicking. <em> He </em> , at least, had no reservations about the situation, though he <em> was </em> only cuddling now, hands loosely and carefully around Dib’s ribs. It at least looked like dying was off the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Words seemed not right for the moment, and Dib tried not to think about it, or about how fucking weird this was. At least the oatmeal was <em> nice </em>. It was weird, too, but it was nice. Absently, he rubbed at a patch of Zim’s skin that was peeling off, being careful not to pull at it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim warbled, arching into the rubbing like he had arched into the lotion the first time. And he was patting Dib’s shoulders and neck with his lekku, but at least that <em> sort of </em> made sense by now. It was a bit of a surprise when he realized they were moving in time to his own heartbeat, though- weird, but also kind of incredibly nice?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does that feel better?” Dib asked, swishing his hand in the water to let the scales float away. “Seems like it does.” What was he doing again? This was so weird. He wasn’t even sure, anymore. Really. What the hell was he thinking? Except that this really was nice in a way that was utterly new. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“M’hm. Mm…” was all he got as an answer, Zim for once absolutely still and quiet, tucked against Dib and- only part of his head was out of the water. Then again, Dib was pretty sure Irkens didn’t actually breath, or at least could hold their breath better, so he wasn’t too worried. Just like he wasn’t too worried about the absolute glop of oatmeal and scales he was probably going to have stuck on him, because Zim didn’t seem in the mood to let him rinse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It seemed wrong to talk again, and so Dib went quiet once more, simply relaxing in the bath. It was still weird, but it wasn’t getting chilly, either- that made sense. Of course Zim would have fancy heaters in his bathtub, that was just like the alien. After a while, he wondered if Zim was asleep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Looking didn't bring an answer, the second eyelid back over Zim's eyes. The Irken didn't move as Dib drained the water, but he had to be <em> awake </em> by the time Dib picked him up and left the bathtub, grabbing a towel on the way. Zim wasn't as short as he'd been when Dib was a kid, but he was still very short, and that helped now with carrying him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Most of the oatmeal bath actually came off before he even used the towel. Still, Dib wiped them both to the best of his ability, moved to the bed, intending to get Zim into it and under his rather massive blanket, that way he could at least try to dress somewhat before he put the lotion on Zim. But, no, the Irken clung to him, and he sighed a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zim was a <em> menace </em> . But… it was kind of nice, how willing he was to touch now. Dib knew touch wasn’t something he’d had much of, and he wondered if Irkens had the same need. And it wasn’t super hard to grab the lotion and wrap them both in the blanket, as much as Dib still wanted some clothing. And… they <em> weren’t </em> friends, now, either, were they? Something more… his life was messed up, Dib decided.</p>
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